Joy comes in the morning

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Hello my readers.. I am so sorry once again that I have not been present on here. I took some time to just be with family and really focus on healing after the crazy year we’ve had. I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system both with my family and friends that I don’t think I would be who I am today or where I’m at in my process that I am. Miscarriages are extremely hard..they are brutal…thwy take a toll on not just your physical health but also your mental and spiritual health. I was in a really dark place where honestly I spent a lot of time watching tv and sitting in the floor watching my two and half-year old play with his toys. I’m not sure who all reads my posts but if you have been or are going through this I promise it will get better. And its ok to feel all the feelings and to let yourself go but don’t forget to get back up!

God has been so good to me and never left me and He is there for you too! I have come to this amazing place where I’m ok not having another baby right now and I’m ok if I can’t get pregnant and carry another baby to term. I have been so blessed to have my little miracle boy and I know I am called for much more than what I originally believed. All my life I believed this little truth that I was to be a mom but what I am just now seeing is that God has a much a bigger plan for me. And I am so excited about this journey. I have mentioned how adoption has been on our hearts since the beginning of our relationship but what i didn’t anticipate was Fostering/fostering to adopt. In fact I was firm against it for a long time.

Heres a little back story… Easter we went to a family gathering of my husband’s side and his cousin who had adopted from the foster care system was there and we visited with her. She gave us a look into how it was and all that came with it and my husband was intrigued.. I on the other hand was scared to death… I knew there was a need but my fear was so crippling that was all I could see. I kept saying the lies the enemy was feeding me keeping me from obeying the call. “I couldn’t do that love on a kid and then give them back” “I would get too attached ” and so many more.. But when God has called you to do something He will not let it go lol! All was quiet for a while and I thought my firm no was all there was to it. Then July I miscarried my second and then August came another one which due to it being an ectopic and it leaving a mass in my left fallopian tube I had to have surgery.. Things were really hard and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to get pregnant again because of my fear. And then I had a dream.

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I know you are probably thinking I am crazy and I would too if it this wasn’t my story lol.. In my dream was three dreams (almost like I woke up between each one) and in each one I would go out to my car and in the backseat /back trunk area was a baby or toddler with a note saying “Please find me a good home”. I woke up feeling heartbroken over the situations but also feeling inspired but I couldn’t understand. I thought maybe it was because I never got to meet my three little angel babies but I soon realized it was so much more than that. I was praying and asking for clarity and my eyes were opened to the dire need in our country for children to have loving homes. And I knew without a doubt that this was what I was called to. I sat my hubby down and brought everything to his attention and guess what guys?!? He was feeling the same thing and had been thinking foster care was the route we were supposed to go but he didn’t want to bring it up because I had been so fragile.

God is so good. His timing is so perfect! I am still shocked at how blind I was to what God wanted for us. My mother in law has said on many occasions that I was meant to be a mother of many and I had a friend recently say almost the exact same thing and now it has so much more meaning!!

 

We are so close to being finalized and active in the system to welcome a placement. We have finished all our training and home visits and will be signing this week!! We are opening up our home to 2 & under and are willing to take a sibling pair. I would love to connect with other foster parents for the good the bad and the ugly of it all.

Please join us in this exciting adventure and pray for our family as we trust God and jump into to this amazing new adventure!

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Here we go again

Hello dear readers. Its been awhile again and I’m sorry… Id like to think it will get better but life happens. I am currently on bedrest til my doctors appointment tomorrow but i will tell you more about that in a minute. So end of May we did a round of Provera and Clomid. We got pregnant but I miscarried again on July 8… I didn’t really mourn that one because I was angry. So angry at everything. I never thought it would happen to begin with but for sure not twice.. I had to put on my big girl panties and focus on my little man because the next week was his 2nd birthday and then the weekend after that was his party. I got a referral from my PCM to go to San Antonio military medical facility to see a specialist for infertility and endocrinology which was super amazing because they told me originally that the wait list was long so not to expect to get in for at least 6 months. But praise Jesus they got me in the first week of August!! I was so excited! We drove the 4 hours there with my 2 year old and my almost 11 year old brother (who was staying with us for the weekend) They ran lots of blood work and did an ultrasound. They also sent us home with orders to get other testing done. Mine is the HSG which I’ve had before but they think I might have scarring or endometriosis that has grown up preventing me from staying pregnant. They are also concerned that i may have some blockage in my tubes. Which brings me to this past weekend. I started spotting and immediately I’m concerned. Normal women would just think that its their period coming but thats not my normal so i took a pregnancy test because i had been feeling off… It was positive. I knew i was miscarrying again so i just went about my business. I volunteered at the food and clothing pantry with my church and then went to a birthday party of one of my 2 year olds friends. Saturday night was horrible. Lots of cramping and bleeding and clots and tissue… I knew for sure it was happening. Sunday comes and I’m still having all the symptoms but i still went on with normal things. Church and then a fall festival. Monday morning I called my doctor and told them what was going on. Since I was still bleeding they sent me to the ER which i was irritated by.. I was frustrated thinking there was nothing they could do to help me… They ran blood work and did an ultrasound and we found out I have an ectopic pregancy…. I was shocked. Its in my left fallopian tube but it looks like I’m already miscarrying so they gave me a shot to help it pass. I am on bed rest until they make sure it has passed because they don’t want my tube to rupture…if it hasn’t i may have to have surgery…

I am still shocked… It would have been a miracle pregnancy because I ovulated on my own but instead of feeling joy my heart is breaking again.. I just keep asking why and trying to find out answers. Im also trying to focus on leaning on my heavenly Father. I know I’m not alone.. even tho this feels so lonely. I know He isn’t punishing me because thats not His way but i keep wondering what I’ve done wrong. Am i a horrible mom to my 2 year old that He isn’t going to let me have any more babies? I just wish I understood why this is happening…  Praying for clarity and leaning on Christ for my strength because i can’t do this on my own!

Long couple months

I’m sorry that I haven’t been writing in a while.. my life seems to have gotten crazier over the last couple months and my blog slipped through the cracks unfortunately. Here’s a recap on what’s been going on with me.

My great grandfather (pawpaw) was hospitalized and his dementia got so much worse.. that week was the worst I’ve had probably ever because he didn’t know any of us and was angry all the time.. he’s doing better now but we had to put him in a nursing home. He still has bad days but his pt is going well and some days he’s more with it than others.. my great grandmother (nanny) still lives in their home and can only go see him like once a week.. so that’s been extremely hard on both of them:( we have family fighting for their name in the will and my dad is struggling to take care of everyone. I just wish this awful thing didn’t exist.. I hate dementia.. I hate seeing the strong incredible man that I love so much withering away to someone who doesn’t know what’s happening or where he is most of the time.. prayers for our family and of anyone had any words of advice for us during this time please send them to us!

We are still trying for baby number two or would it be weird to call it baby number 3 because in my heart I have another baby that I just haven’t met yet… I did a round of provera and clomid and now am waiting to see if it worked. None of the ovulation strips showed anything except a faint line(which the box says is negative..) today was the day (according to a due date calculator) that I might get a positive test.. I didnt tho:(( praying it’s just too early and maybe in a couple weeks it will be bfp!! I’m super hopeful especially since I have lost 22 pounds since my miscarriage!!:)) that’s huge for me since my pcos /hormone issues have prevented me from losing any weight!!

I’m still working hard trying to build my business! If any young living business friends or network marketing friends have any tips please help me!! My circle is so small and I don’t know where to go from here. I am super excited about some new things coming out from young living that I will share about soon and I’m so ready for next years convention!

Toddler life is an interesting roller coaster and every day is bringing me new challenges! We are going through a picky food stage and a clingy stage. But little man is so adventurous and is learning so much he starting to talk more and I’m so excited about the future!:) he turns two next month and we are doing a dinosaur themed party and I’m attempting to make cute sugar cookies! I will blog about how it all turns out!:)

I have this desire to garden but I seem to kill everything I touch.. is there such a thing as having a black thumb? Lol I’m going to start over again here soon with an indoor potted garden! Maybe I won’t kill them that way lol!!

Anyways til next time 🙂 I will work on writing more 🙂

Shame

Hello my dear readers… Again I am sorry for not writing in so long.. I have honestly been struggling with shame and feel embarrassed about the things going on in my life and I have not wanted to be transparent like I promised to be. Here it goes tho.. My pain due to endometriosis got so bad I went back to the doctor.. They have put me on Metformin and they induced a cycle to get me going in the right direction to go back on birth control. I have so many feelings about this and it’s hard to figure out if i am doing the right thing. I really want to be all natural and not rely on medication for anything but I am also aware that there is a time and a place for it. And this was my time.I am still using the oils to maintain my hormones with my PCOS . I don’t plan on being on them for more than 4 months but as optimistic as i am about getting off of them I have accepted that it could take longer. To be completely real with y’all I just want to be the best mom I can be to my sweet Little Man and I know I can’t do that when I’m in extreme pain…Shame is something kinda difficult to brush off because even if we don’t intend to we are prideful human beings that long for approval. Why is that? I don’t even personally know those reading this blog but I want y’all to like me and want to impress y’all. But here’s the reality of the situation.. That is impossible to do. And as much as I want this approval my focus is wrong. My focus needs to shift back to bringing God glory in all that i do and i truly believe that by trying to be a good wife and mom ;while using meds to get out of pain I’m going to be able to do this.

pexels-photo.jpgSo if you are reading this and feel disappointed that my journey is going this way I understand but please stick with me because my journey has only begun and it’s definitely got a long ways to go!!

God is really working in mine and my families lives and I am very excited to see what the future holds for us.

Overcoming Pain..

pexels-photo-325288.jpegI had every intentions to write for a while but things have just been hard lately. I have been struggling really bad with my depression.. I’ve been so irritable and short with my poor hubby! I feel bad I know I’ve been hard to put up with lately and he’s been so good to me and such a rock! I’ve been in a lot of pain mostly physically but I had a realization this weekend at church that I’m in pain on a deeper level… I’ve been angry and hurt because of my miscarriage and I really thought that I had moved forward and past it but I must have squashed it and tried to not feel… I’m not sure when I will feel like me again and I hate it… my endometriosis cramping has come back with a vengeance and I’m so over it… I go to the doctor in the morning and I’m really struggling with what to do. I’m honestly not sure what I will do yet I’m still praying for God to show me what the best thing for me and my family is!!

I will say despite the pain I had a great morning with my little man! We went to the zoo and chick-fil-a with friends and he ran and laughed and babbled and I loved every minute of it! I love being a momma and my goal to get pregnant again I’m putting on hold for now to focus on getting healthy and out of pain and to be able to enjoy life with my little guy! Prayers for my family during this time of uncertainty would be greatly appreciated!

pexels-photo-371589.jpegOh some good news! I made rank in Young Living!! I’m a star! This is a huge accomplishment for me and I’m so excited to be able to share what I’m passionate about and to be able to help my family out not only in health but in financial!! I’m on a great team that is constantly supporting each other! If you have been interested in oils and wanting to see what they can do in your life message me and I will walk you through things and send you a roller!! Also if you are interested in making money to help your family out talk to me and we will get you signed up! Who knew that an investment of less than $200 could change your whole life! To get you away from doctors and prescriptions but also to bring in financial aid to help support you! I know for me everything changed when I joined Young Living and this amazing team I’m on! I’m so excited to see what the future holds!!!

In a weeks time..

Hey y’all I’m sorry I haven’t written in a little while… A LOT has been happening in my neck of the woods starting with I OVULATED!!!! AGAIN!!! This is only the second time ever that my body has done the natural thing eekkk!!!! I’m so excited! I thought about writing about it when it happened but …… that felt awkward to me haha.. I am all about transparency but I didn’t want to cross the awkward fine line. I should be able to test soonish to see if we are pregnant again. So please be praying that we will be able to get pregnant naturally in Gods timing. I can’t even begin to express my joy in ovulating on my own! I doubt myself so often and even when I don’t mean to I put myself down… This journey is giving me a different perspective of who I am. I am NOT broken! I am NOT a failure! I am NOT letting anyone down! But I AM strong! I AM exactly who God made me to be! I AM NOT alone!! I AM SO BLESSED!!! I hope that if someone is reading this and is struggling like I am , that they know they aren’t alone! I know this journey feels so secluded but we are all in this together and I would love to be apart of your story like you are in mine!!!!

pexels-photo-490411.jpegThis week I have been fighting allergies so bad… Oh and did I mention that my 18 month old figured out how to climb out of his pack and play? I know you are probably wondering why he was sleeping in it to begin with. Well he learned how to climb out of his crib at 12 months and I was terrified of him getting hurt so I moved him to the play pen… Until this week that it… You see he kept getting out and I would put him back in and the last time he gave me a lot of grief. So I decided to watch the baby monitor to see how he was escaping.. Only to see him hike his little leg over the side and topple onto his head…. Welp no more playpen for us… I still had his mattress from the crib but we haven’t gotten him a toddler bed yet because we thought we still had time. Silly us! haha

We bought a baby gate for his doorway so he wouldn’t escape in the middle of the night and he is sleeping on the mattress on the floor. The first couple nights he was so scared. He made a crying noise I had never heard before and I knew that he was terrified of being in this bed. So I laid on the floor beside him until he fell asleep. I won’t do this all the time but every now and then giving in to little things like this are so important. He knew that momma wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to him. And I absolutely loved when he would reach his little hands over and touch my face to make sure I was still there. My heart is beaming and breaking as I write this. I love that little boy so much and as much as one watching him grow up I hate it too.. He becomes more independent and grows so much character every day. He is so sweet but has a stinker side to him haha. He does this thing where he will give all of my family ( my dad and two brothers and one sister) all “sugars” aka kisses and then when it comes to my mom he will scrunch up his nose and laugh and purposefully not kiss her at that moment. He is such a hoot! Later when “it doesn’t seem like a game” he will give her a bunch of sugars. Sorry for the rabbit trail there.. I can’t help it I’m a crazy mom obsessed with her kid!! Anywho we are on day 5 of sleeping in the big boy bed and he has no trouble at night ( nap time is a different story) . Yay to toddler bed! Next stop is potty training… Oh Lord please give me strength!!

pexels-photo-348520.jpegToday is hubby and my 5 year wedding anniversary!! My parents kept little man ( such a blessing to live near them during this time!) and we went to dinner at Olive Garden. That is our special dinner place that we always go for anniversaries and sometimes birthdays. I thought I would share a little bit of our story! We met on  a blind date on Christmas Eve Eve (or Christmas Adam as my hubby calls it) His dad set up the whole thing and I wasn’t interested at the time in dating. My friend that i took with me didn’t like him so I trusted her instincts and didnt pursue the relationship. Haha who knows what would have happened if our story ended there. We stayed in touch but I let him know that I was very content being single at this time and we could only be friends. Future hubby was/is in the Navy and was leaving on a deployment that next June and asked if I would email him. I agreed not thinking anything of it. But over the next 6 months of consistent emails we fell in love. He came home for 2 months and we spent time together with his family and mine. I knew in my heart that this was the man I was going to spend my life with! 21 days of spending time together in person, he proposed over FaceTime. He was at that time in Norfolk VA and I was in West Texas. His family helped him set it all up and I was completely clueless!!! I obviously said yes lol. And exactly a week later we were married. 5 days after that he left again for a 4 month deployment. I know you probably are thinking we are crazy and we are haha. But when you know something you just know. And there is no reason to delay the inevitable. So here we are 5 years, 4 houses (2 rent 2   owned) 1 kid ,1 miscarriage, 2 different states, 1 deployment, many many detatchments, infertility, so many hobbies, 3 dogs ,  and all kinds of every day life stuff later plus hubby being a Navy recruiter now and I have started my own business  and we are still going strong by the Grace of God!!! There is no way we could have survived any of this if we hadn’t stayed focused on him!!!

 

exhausted..

pexels-photo-271897.jpegHey guys.. Sorry I haven’t been writing as frequently as I would like to. I’m worn out. My 18 month old is teething and not sleeping well so in turn momma is not sleeping…  All my extra energy has been pouring into my business. It’s not easy to be a stay at home momma because let’s be real… We don’t get paid enough and the job never gives us vacations haha. I’m not complaining just stating the reason for my exhaustion. And again another week without coffee creamer because silly me forgot to add it to the grocery order. Yep I’m that person that orders groceries online and picks them up the next day… Don’t judge haha. Starting a business is hard.. On top of having a little one.. and I feel so clueless about what I should and shouldn’t do. Im an introvert with a yellow-green personality and Im struggling. But I really feel like selling Young Living is my calling (next to being a momma and a wife of course) but it takes a lot of getting out of my comfort zone. They say to sign up your circle but my circle is tiny lol… So I am having to meet new people out of my circle to make it happen. And that is scary.. And exhausting… But Im not as stressed about making it as I was a couple of weeks ago tho because I handed over the reins to God and put Him first in this business. It’s honestly crazy how much of the burden has been lifted knowing that He’s in control. And if this business doesn’t pan out thats ok, Im still using the oils and the natural non-toxic products that I love and I will find the thing that helps my family out.

Why Oils? Why Young Living? What made me decide to do this? These are all questions I’ve been asked and that you may be wondering. To start I didn’t get into Young Living wanting to make it a business. I’m a person that loves a good deal so when I made the decision to do oils I researched the companys. There are two big ones but the two reasons.. no three reason I went with Young Living over Doterra were these.

1.Young Livings seed to seal promise. I loved that they knew exactly where the oils came from and that they were 100% pure. I was over the moon when I learned that they had their own farms that grew the plants. Then they distilled the oils themselves. And then they test it but also send it out for 3rd party testing to ensure that they are absolutely pure. This shows what a remarkable company they are.

2. Young Living has been around longer that Doterra

3. And there are so many more oils and blends to choose from in Young Living.

I’m a person that wants to get the best bang for their buck and that’s when I found the starter kit. You get 11 oils, a diffuser and a bunch of samples for $160 . My life changed when I ordered this. I started looking at things differently. When I have a head ache instead of running to over the counter meds I turn to my roller I made with peppermint, lavender and panaway. When baby is teething i use copiaba on his gums and that drastically helps vs orajel. My goal is to one day have my family completely natural and away from toxic, chemicals and meds that can give us crazy side effects. This may not be for everyone and people may think I’m crazy. But thats ok. I love what I’m doing and my family is seeing benefits from using the oils. My husband struggled to sleep and now he is falling asleep easier and not waking up all night like he used to. This makes using oils worth it to me.

I’m not saying all this to sell you but to help you see where I am coming from. The blog post will not be the last time i talk about them so please bear with me 🙂

I decided to make this a business to help my family out. Being a SAHM and a navy wife we can use some extra income. All you military spouses know what I’m talking about haha. My goal is to make it to silver by the end of the year.. That would be about $2000 a month and that would be amazing!! If you are interested in the oils/ and or the business please message me. I’m here to answer any questions you may have. Young Living doesn’t just have oils either they have makeup, supplements, hair products, skin products, baby and kids lines. So much more so go check them out! And if you are interested in signing up use my link and then message me after you do and I will send you a welcome gift!!

https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/new-start?sponsorid=12242038&enrollerid=12242038&isocountrycode=US&culture=en-US&type=member

Ok I’m done with my spill. I am very passionate and it comes across very strongly sometimes. I hope that this gives someone some good information and helps them 🙂

 

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Today is my baby sisters birthday. She turned 15. I feel like just yesterday I was 15 so how did this happen.. Time sure does fly when you are having fun. We went to Red Robin for dinner and I had them sing to her (which embarrassed her lol) She has become such a beautiful young lady and I’m so proud of the person she has become. I know she will be reading this at some point and I just want you to know I love you and always am here for yoU!

Ok this post is all over the place and is long so I’m going to sign off , have some chocolate chips and drink my diet Pepsi. haha These are the things that make a tired momma happy.  I hope that you are all having a wonderful week. God bless and good night.