The first few months

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Hey guys! Once again I have failed at staying on top of my blogging and once again I’m so sorry! Our life has been so crazy since my last post and so much has changed in fact here I sit here rocking and feeding sweet baby boy. But Im getting ahead of myself let me tell you all about it!

We became licensed on a Tuesday early in February ..so pumped and nervous having all the feels for what the future could hold. Wednesday afternoon I was loading up my little man into the car after being at the park when I got a call from our caseworker! She said there was a set of twins.. a boy/girl that were being released from the NICU tomorrow that were 18 days old and would we be interested. They are drug exposed and having withdrawals she said and that’s all we knew. I immediately felt it was right but told her I needed to call my hubby to check and see what he thought.

I called hubby up and I barely got the words out when he said call her back “let’s go get those babies! ” We went to the hospital the next day around 10:30 ( I had to work up until time and thought I was going to go insane waiting haha) . We met with the caseworker and with the cps workers and are sitting in the waiting room signing papers which will allow these precious little ones to come home with us! Cps brought us some supplies that had been donated and brought them new car seats because the ones mom brought weren’t in good shape. And then the moment our lives changed forever happened… these precious nurses came out carrying these car seats that looked like they had miniature baby dolls in them and the moment I saw them I loved them. The nurses told us how much they loved these babies and that baby boy is a little old man that is super laid back and baby girl is little miss drama queen (both of these things are still very much true today haha!

We were so blessed to have amazing family and friends bring us food and clothes, diapers and wipes, extra swings a double stroller base for car seats. So many things I didn’t even think about that we needed because we had baby things saved from little man… haha but so many things you need two of and some you just want lol.

The first couple months were kind of a blur as we tried to navigate this unexplored territory. Lots of sleepless nights.. lots of learning curves. I had never used formula before so making what felt like 100 bottles a day was absolutely crazy. I slept on an air mattress in the twins nursery for the first few months because they were so tiny I was scared to leave them.. plus they were up every 2-3 hours and i was trying to keep hubby from being as exhausted as I was. So many hard things during this time that I want to cry looking back at where we came from. Withdrawl in newborns is one of the most terrifying thing ever. Baby boy had the tremors the worst and was extremely stiff . The tremors were like mini seizures, his little body would shake and we would just hold him and love on him. Baby girl had some but she mostly struggled with being touched. I would have to talk her through everything I did before I did it. ” Here we go I’m going to change your diaper” or “lets get you into some clean clothes” Bath time was a nightmare for both of them because they hated the feeling of water and wet wash clothes on their skin. Everything I did for months was trying to figure out what they liked and what they hated haha. Baby boy loved being cuddled from the beginning and was pretty easy other than his inability to keep formula down… Oh my word it was horrible. One minute you are feeding this little bit of nothing and the next thing I knew it was shooting out his mouth and nose and he would shake horribly. It was absolutely terrifying. Baby girl and I had to work up to cuddling though.. The doctors and therapists said to do skin to skin with her and that looking back helped so much but in the moment was so hard on both of us. She would scream in pain and i would cry.

I kept crying out to God knowing He was the one i would get my strength from. I prayed over the babies many many times a day and night and sang lots of worship music to them. I truly believe that in everything the only reason I made it through was because of my heavenly Father.

All through this our little man was adjusting. The first few days were the hardest for him and after we struggled with some jealousy. But oh my goodness he fell so hard in love with ‘Brother’ and ‘Sister’ and couldn’t get enough of them. I was constantly stressed that he would squish them because he always wanted to hug and love on them and he would ask to hold them every chance he got. I am so proud of that little guy. It couldn’t have worked out more perfectly.

Before we even became licensed I would pray at night with little man and we would pray for the babies that God would bring to us.. I think this helped him prepare for this new change that we didn’t even realize was going to happen.

There are so many little details that keep flooding my mind as I write this but I also know this post would go on forever and ever if I didn’t try to come to an end. I will make another post soon to continue the journey. I am still several months behind in our story with these babies and look forward to sharing with y’all. If you have ever fostered twins or had a placement since birth up until mom possibly getting them back please share your story with me and your advice.

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Joy comes in the morning

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Hello my readers.. I am so sorry once again that I have not been present on here. I took some time to just be with family and really focus on healing after the crazy year we’ve had. I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system both with my family and friends that I don’t think I would be who I am today or where I’m at in my process that I am. Miscarriages are extremely hard..they are brutal…thwy take a toll on not just your physical health but also your mental and spiritual health. I was in a really dark place where honestly I spent a lot of time watching tv and sitting in the floor watching my two and half-year old play with his toys. I’m not sure who all reads my posts but if you have been or are going through this I promise it will get better. And its ok to feel all the feelings and to let yourself go but don’t forget to get back up!

God has been so good to me and never left me and He is there for you too! I have come to this amazing place where I’m ok not having another baby right now and I’m ok if I can’t get pregnant and carry another baby to term. I have been so blessed to have my little miracle boy and I know I am called for much more than what I originally believed. All my life I believed this little truth that I was to be a mom but what I am just now seeing is that God has a much a bigger plan for me. And I am so excited about this journey. I have mentioned how adoption has been on our hearts since the beginning of our relationship but what i didn’t anticipate was Fostering/fostering to adopt. In fact I was firm against it for a long time.

Heres a little back story… Easter we went to a family gathering of my husband’s side and his cousin who had adopted from the foster care system was there and we visited with her. She gave us a look into how it was and all that came with it and my husband was intrigued.. I on the other hand was scared to death… I knew there was a need but my fear was so crippling that was all I could see. I kept saying the lies the enemy was feeding me keeping me from obeying the call. “I couldn’t do that love on a kid and then give them back” “I would get too attached ” and so many more.. But when God has called you to do something He will not let it go lol! All was quiet for a while and I thought my firm no was all there was to it. Then July I miscarried my second and then August came another one which due to it being an ectopic and it leaving a mass in my left fallopian tube I had to have surgery.. Things were really hard and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to get pregnant again because of my fear. And then I had a dream.

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I know you are probably thinking I am crazy and I would too if it this wasn’t my story lol.. In my dream was three dreams (almost like I woke up between each one) and in each one I would go out to my car and in the backseat /back trunk area was a baby or toddler with a note saying “Please find me a good home”. I woke up feeling heartbroken over the situations but also feeling inspired but I couldn’t understand. I thought maybe it was because I never got to meet my three little angel babies but I soon realized it was so much more than that. I was praying and asking for clarity and my eyes were opened to the dire need in our country for children to have loving homes. And I knew without a doubt that this was what I was called to. I sat my hubby down and brought everything to his attention and guess what guys?!? He was feeling the same thing and had been thinking foster care was the route we were supposed to go but he didn’t want to bring it up because I had been so fragile.

God is so good. His timing is so perfect! I am still shocked at how blind I was to what God wanted for us. My mother in law has said on many occasions that I was meant to be a mother of many and I had a friend recently say almost the exact same thing and now it has so much more meaning!!

 

We are so close to being finalized and active in the system to welcome a placement. We have finished all our training and home visits and will be signing this week!! We are opening up our home to 2 & under and are willing to take a sibling pair. I would love to connect with other foster parents for the good the bad and the ugly of it all.

Please join us in this exciting adventure and pray for our family as we trust God and jump into to this amazing new adventure!

Girl wash your face!

Ok guys if you haven’t read this book it’s a must do! This was suggested but my upline in young living and I being the tired momma that I always seem to be knew that there is no way I could get through a book in a good pace anymore so I downloaded audible and have been listening! This book had changed my outlook on life! It is making me take more control of my life and not let it pass me by! And as i write this I’m resting beside my sleeping toddler because my health is important! So many times I would bust my butt to get stuff done during nap time only to feel horrible when he woke up and I would have little to no energy to run and chase and read all the books his little hands bring to me! I’ve decided it’s important that I rest even if I don’t sleep just to recharge me so I am able to be the best momma I can be for my little man! The last couple days have been lazy days because I’m crazy nauseous and cramping a lot to the point it’s hard for me to get up and do things. This “lazy” feeling I have because I needed the rest makes it so hard for me to be ok to lay here and write and look at Instagram and dream of the future.. all because I know there is a mountain of laundry waiting for me and messy floors that need to be swept mopped and vacuumed! Something that has been hard for me to grasp is that I am still me under the wife and mom and house keeper uniforms there is a me! And it’s just as important for me to know that part and to pour into that as it is to do any of my other responsibilities! But i do know that I won’t be and haven’t been the best wife, mother or house keeper that I could be because I’ve let me fall through the cracks! Ladies we need to take time to figure out who we are and who God wants us to be! Because we are so much more than what meets the eye!! So let’s take control of our lives today! Because we only have one life to live and I want to leave a legacy how bout y’all?

P.s. the picture at the top I took on a mission trip to New Zealand which will forever be one of my favorite places on earth!!!

Long couple months

I’m sorry that I haven’t been writing in a while.. my life seems to have gotten crazier over the last couple months and my blog slipped through the cracks unfortunately. Here’s a recap on what’s been going on with me.

My great grandfather (pawpaw) was hospitalized and his dementia got so much worse.. that week was the worst I’ve had probably ever because he didn’t know any of us and was angry all the time.. he’s doing better now but we had to put him in a nursing home. He still has bad days but his pt is going well and some days he’s more with it than others.. my great grandmother (nanny) still lives in their home and can only go see him like once a week.. so that’s been extremely hard on both of them:( we have family fighting for their name in the will and my dad is struggling to take care of everyone. I just wish this awful thing didn’t exist.. I hate dementia.. I hate seeing the strong incredible man that I love so much withering away to someone who doesn’t know what’s happening or where he is most of the time.. prayers for our family and of anyone had any words of advice for us during this time please send them to us!

We are still trying for baby number two or would it be weird to call it baby number 3 because in my heart I have another baby that I just haven’t met yet… I did a round of provera and clomid and now am waiting to see if it worked. None of the ovulation strips showed anything except a faint line(which the box says is negative..) today was the day (according to a due date calculator) that I might get a positive test.. I didnt tho:(( praying it’s just too early and maybe in a couple weeks it will be bfp!! I’m super hopeful especially since I have lost 22 pounds since my miscarriage!!:)) that’s huge for me since my pcos /hormone issues have prevented me from losing any weight!!

I’m still working hard trying to build my business! If any young living business friends or network marketing friends have any tips please help me!! My circle is so small and I don’t know where to go from here. I am super excited about some new things coming out from young living that I will share about soon and I’m so ready for next years convention!

Toddler life is an interesting roller coaster and every day is bringing me new challenges! We are going through a picky food stage and a clingy stage. But little man is so adventurous and is learning so much he starting to talk more and I’m so excited about the future!:) he turns two next month and we are doing a dinosaur themed party and I’m attempting to make cute sugar cookies! I will blog about how it all turns out!:)

I have this desire to garden but I seem to kill everything I touch.. is there such a thing as having a black thumb? Lol I’m going to start over again here soon with an indoor potted garden! Maybe I won’t kill them that way lol!!

Anyways til next time πŸ™‚ I will work on writing more πŸ™‚

Shame

Hello my dear readers… Again I am sorry for not writing in so long.. I have honestly been struggling with shame and feel embarrassed about the things going on in my life and I have not wanted to be transparent like I promised to be. Here it goes tho.. My pain due to endometriosis got so bad I went back to the doctor.. They have put me on Metformin and they induced a cycle to get me going in the right direction to go back on birth control. I have so many feelings about this and it’s hard to figure out if i am doing the right thing. I really want to be all natural and not rely on medication for anything but I am also aware that there is a time and a place for it. And this was my time.I am still using the oils to maintain my hormones with my PCOS . I don’t plan on being on them for more than 4 months but as optimistic as i am about getting off of them I have accepted that it could take longer. To be completely real with y’all I just want to be the best mom I can be to my sweet Little Man and I know I can’t do that when I’m in extreme pain…Shame is something kinda difficult to brush off because even if we don’t intend to we are prideful human beings that long for approval. Why is that? I don’t even personally know those reading this blog but I want y’all to like me and want to impress y’all. But here’s the reality of the situation.. That is impossible to do. And as much as I want this approval my focus is wrong. My focus needs to shift back to bringing God glory in all that i do and i truly believe that by trying to be a good wife and mom ;while using meds to get out of pain I’m going to be able to do this.

pexels-photo.jpgSo if you are reading this and feel disappointed that my journey is going this way I understand but please stick with me because my journey has only begun and it’s definitely got a long ways to go!!

God is really working in mine and my families lives and I am very excited to see what the future holds for us.

Overcoming Pain..

pexels-photo-325288.jpegI had every intentions to write for a while but things have just been hard lately. I have been struggling really bad with my depression.. I’ve been so irritable and short with my poor hubby! I feel bad I know I’ve been hard to put up with lately and he’s been so good to me and such a rock! I’ve been in a lot of pain mostly physically but I had a realization this weekend at church that I’m in pain on a deeper level… I’ve been angry and hurt because of my miscarriage and I really thought that I had moved forward and past it but I must have squashed it and tried to not feel… I’m not sure when I will feel like me again and I hate it… my endometriosis cramping has come back with a vengeance and I’m so over it… I go to the doctor in the morning and I’m really struggling with what to do. I’m honestly not sure what I will do yet I’m still praying for God to show me what the best thing for me and my family is!!

I will say despite the pain I had a great morning with my little man! We went to the zoo and chick-fil-a with friends and he ran and laughed and babbled and I loved every minute of it! I love being a momma and my goal to get pregnant again I’m putting on hold for now to focus on getting healthy and out of pain and to be able to enjoy life with my little guy! Prayers for my family during this time of uncertainty would be greatly appreciated!

pexels-photo-371589.jpegOh some good news! I made rank in Young Living!! I’m a star! This is a huge accomplishment for me and I’m so excited to be able to share what I’m passionate about and to be able to help my family out not only in health but in financial!! I’m on a great team that is constantly supporting each other! If you have been interested in oils and wanting to see what they can do in your life message me and I will walk you through things and send you a roller!! Also if you are interested in making money to help your family out talk to me and we will get you signed up! Who knew that an investment of less than $200 could change your whole life! To get you away from doctors and prescriptions but also to bring in financial aid to help support you! I know for me everything changed when I joined Young Living and this amazing team I’m on! I’m so excited to see what the future holds!!!

exhausted..

pexels-photo-271897.jpegHey guys.. Sorry I haven’t been writing as frequently as I would like to. I’m worn out. My 18 month old is teething and not sleeping well so in turn momma is not sleeping… Β All my extra energy has been pouring into my business. It’s not easy to be a stay at home momma because let’s be real… We don’t get paid enough and the job never gives us vacations haha. I’m not complaining just stating the reason for my exhaustion. And again another week without coffee creamer because silly me forgot to add it to the grocery order. Yep I’m that person that orders groceries online and picks them up the next day… Don’t judge haha. Starting a business is hard.. On top of having a little one.. and I feel so clueless about what I should and shouldn’t do. Im an introvert with a yellow-green personality and Im struggling. But I really feel like selling Young Living is my calling (next to being a momma and a wife of course) but it takes a lot of getting out of my comfort zone. They say to sign up your circle but my circle is tiny lol… So I am having to meet new people out of my circle to make it happen. And that is scary.. And exhausting… But Im not as stressed about making it as I was a couple of weeks ago tho because I handed over the reins to God and put Him first in this business. It’s honestly crazy how much of the burden has been lifted knowing that He’s in control. And if this business doesn’t pan out thats ok, Im still using the oils and the natural non-toxic products that I love and I will find the thing that helps my family out.

Why Oils? Why Young Living? What made me decide to do this? These are all questions I’ve been asked and that you may be wondering. To start I didn’t get into Young Living wanting to make it a business. I’m a person that loves a good deal so when I made the decision to do oils I researched the companys. There are two big ones but the two reasons.. no three reason I went with Young Living over Doterra were these.

1.Young Livings seed to seal promise. I loved that they knew exactly where the oils came from and that they were 100% pure. I was over the moon when I learned that they had their own farms that grew the plants. Then they distilled the oils themselves. And then they test it but also send it out for 3rd party testing to ensure that they are absolutely pure. This shows what a remarkable company they are.

2. Young Living has been around longer that Doterra

3. And there are so many more oils and blends to choose from in Young Living.

I’m a person that wants to get the best bang for their buck and that’s when I found the starter kit. You get 11 oils, a diffuser and a bunch of samples for $160 . My life changed when I ordered this. I started looking at things differently. When I have a head ache instead of running to over the counter meds I turn to my roller I made with peppermint, lavender and panaway. When baby is teething i use copiaba on his gums and that drastically helps vs orajel. My goal is to one day have my family completely natural and away from toxic, chemicals and meds that can give us crazy side effects. This may not be for everyone and people may think I’m crazy. But thats ok. I love what I’m doing and my family is seeing benefits from using the oils. My husband struggled to sleep and now he is falling asleep easier and not waking up all night like he used to. This makes using oils worth it to me.

I’m not saying all this to sell you but to help you see where I am coming from. The blog post will not be the last time i talk about them so please bear with me πŸ™‚

I decided to make this a business to help my family out. Being a SAHM and a navy wife we can use some extra income. All you military spouses know what I’m talking about haha. My goal is to make it to silver by the end of the year.. That would be about $2000 a month and that would be amazing!! If you are interested in the oils/ and or the business please message me. I’m here to answer any questions you may have. Young Living doesn’t just have oils either they have makeup, supplements, hair products, skin products, baby and kids lines. So much more so go check them out! And if you are interested in signing up use my link and then message me after you do and I will send you a welcome gift!!

https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/new-start?sponsorid=12242038&enrollerid=12242038&isocountrycode=US&culture=en-US&type=member

Ok I’m done with my spill. I am very passionate and it comes across very strongly sometimes. I hope that this gives someone some good information and helps them πŸ™‚

 

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Today is my baby sisters birthday. She turned 15. I feel like just yesterday I was 15 so how did this happen.. Time sure does fly when you are having fun. We went to Red Robin for dinner and I had them sing to her (which embarrassed her lol) She has become such a beautiful young lady and I’m so proud of the person she has become. I know she will be reading this at some point and I just want you to know I love you and always am here for yoU!

Ok this post is all over the place and is long so I’m going to sign off , have some chocolate chips and drink my diet Pepsi. haha These are the things that make a tired momma happy. Β I hope that you are all having a wonderful week. God bless and good night.